Years ago, the Rolling Stones wrote, “Time Is On My Side,” a song that speaks to the questionable self-assurance of believing a rogue, former lover will return. The sentiment is perhaps more realistic and better stated in the proverb, “If you love something set it free. If it comes back it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be.”

Sadly, many intimate relationships are unable to overcome the sense of betrayal, loss, and anger, realized in a breakup, and they may subsequently manifest violent behaviors. For instance, in Maricopa County, one in three women and one in four men have been victims of physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. One in three female murder victims and one in twenty male murder victims are killed by an intimate partner.

Perhaps you are currently struggling in a domestic violence environment. While I could quote you, and maybe I should, endless scriptures that speak to how we should treat one another, especially in matters of love, I’d rather point you in the direction of both spiritual and professional help.

Domestic violence is defined in the following manner by The Maricopa County Attorney’s Office. Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, or other abusive behavior as a part of a systematic pattern of power and control by one partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse. While frequency and severity can vary dramatically in each situation, one consistent component is abusers will try to maintain power and control over their partner.

As a pastor, I have spoken to individuals and couples matching this definition of domestic violence. It is always a visceral experience listening to their stories. To be sure, the issue is both a spiritual and relational problem. Since God has instituted and ordained intimate relationships, it seems reasonable to seek his counsel.

So, my first advice is to talk with your pastor or ask a trusted church-going friend who they might recommend. Seeking a pastor for wisdom is equally important if you are the victim or victimizer. Again, this is a spiritual problem for everyone involved.

Second, take responsibility before God and loved ones if you are the abuser. Ask for forgiveness, make and keep promises to seek all necessary help to mitigate the issue, and immediately stop any further victimization.

Next, avail yourself of professional help; countless organizations are ready to assist. This is true whether you are the victim or the aggressor. This Mohave County governmental website is just one such source for help: (https://mohavecourts.com/CourtAdmin/mediation/Resources.pdf). These people are dedicated to discretion and understand the courage it takes to speak up and act.

February is the celebration of love. Perhaps the truest way to show love is to recognize when the wrongfulness of an action becomes the norm and to seek help. Fight the right fight, help one another, and win together.

Kent Simmons is the pastor of Canyon Community Church. He can be reached at Kent@canyon-church.com.